When a girl reaches
the age of marriage it is customary for the Muslim parents to (Clay a major
role in the choice of the husband, but she must be consulted. It is reported
that when a girl came to the Prophet complaining that she had been married
without being consulted, the Prophet directed that she was free to have the
marriage dissolved if she wished.
Nowadays educated Muslim girls are having a greater say in the choice of
husband, but it is still considered that the parents' opinion of the boy is of
great importance, and it is rare for a boy or girl to marry against their parents'
wishes. It is a part of the Muslim tradition for either to be married with the
consent of their parents or guardians.
A widow or a divorcee however may marry whoever she wishes, presumably
because she is considered to have enough maturity and experience to decide for
herself.
When a girl or woman is married it is an essential part of the marriage
for the bridegroom to give her a dowry (mahr), which may be of any value
agreed upon. This dowry is not like the old European dowry which was given by a
father to a daughter on her marriage and thence became the husband's property. Nor
is the Muslim dowry like the African "bride-price" which is paid by
the bridegroom to the father as a form of payment or compensation. The Muslim
dowry is a gift from the bridegroom to the bride and it becomes her exclusive
property. (It remains her property even if she is later divorced. In the case
of khul'--that is, divorce at the
wife's request, she may be required to pay back all or part of the dowry.)
The treatment expected from the husband, whether or not he is on good
terms with his wife, is clearly laid down in the Holly Qur’an:
"Live with them in kindness; even if you dislike them, perhaps you
dislike something in which God has placed much good" (Qur'an 4:19).
Another important benefit to wives in Islam is that in the moral sphere
there is no dual standard. Whatever may be the habit of men the world over of
blaming women for actions which they condone in themselves, according to the
Our'an and the teachings of the Prophet, God requires the same high standard of
moral conduct from men as it does from women, and has imposed the same legal
penalties on men and women for infringement of the moral laws. This will be illustrated
by examples later in this paper.
Even if divorce is decided on, the good treatment referred to before is
still required. Allah (God) in the Holly Qur’an says:
"Then keep them in all decency or part from them decently. It is
not lawful for you to take anything you have given them" (Qur’an 2:229).
Thus the dowry and any other gifts he may have given to her cannot be
taken away.
Allah (God) in the Holly Qur'an also says:
"Once you divorce women and they have reached the end of their
waiting period, then either retain them in all decency or part from them in
decency. Do not retain them unjustly so that you exceed the limit; anyone who
does that merely hurts himself" (Qur’an 2 :231).
Kind treatment of wives and families is a part of the religion in Islam.
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has said:
"From among the believers are those who have the kindest disposition
and are kindest to their families, such are those who show most perfect
faith".
And He said in another Hadith :
"The best among you are those who are kindest to their wives".
