Muslim Family As A Cradle For Human Society

If the family is to be a wholesome cradle for human society, it means that the children as continuators of the human race must find there warmth, patience and every possible advancement in their all-round education. For this purpose, they must have a mother who considers the care for her children not as a part-time job but as one of her foremost duties. And they must have a father who "according to the patriarchical nature of Islam, is an Imam for the family on whose shoulders rests the religious responsibility of the family. He must," as Syed Abul A'ia Mawdudi puts it so beautifully, "uphold the tenets of faith and his authority symbolizes that of God in the world. The man is in fact respected in the family precisely because of the sacred total function he fulfills. The rebellion of Muslim women in certain quarters of Islamic society came when men themselves ceased to fulfill their religious function and lost their virile and patriarchical character". This is the noteworthy opinion of a world-wide renowned Islamic scholar.

With a home where mother and father are aware of their important role and realize that the world of tomorrow will be what they make of their children, the foundation of society will remain intact.

As to the education of the children, I think it should consist of the following four phases: the basis covering the period from birth up to the twentieth year, that is the time when the child leaves home, must be the Islamic Milieu created in the family. As modern psychology teaches us, this milieu exercises its most important influence on the child already during the first years of life. It is many small and great things that make up this Islamic Milieu. Foremost condition is that the parents love and respect each other, that they are-according to Islamic patterns-patient and extend cherishing care to the children. But it is also important that the children can listen to beautiful recitations from the Qur'an-there are excellent records nowadays-that they realize when there is Ramadan, the month of fasting, when the great festive days are celebrated, and also that Muslim friends and relatives come on visits or are visited. And they must hear words like Allah and Mubammad (Peace Be Upon Him) uttered in a loving voice. This is what in fact many of us are doing anyway. But for an Islamic Milieu it is also significant that the home where Muslims live is furnished with some Islamic items at least. I don't mean the usual cheap sentimentalities but true, undiluted culture. The children should see some really beautiful calligraphies on the walls, perhaps a good carpet here and there and other things which cannot be found in a Western household. And Muslims should at least at home wear traditional dress as used in their homelands and take their shoes off, even if only upon entering the living room. Thus they will keep a close contact to their own heritage and the children will distinctly feel that they are Muslims which will fill them with confidence and natural pride for their community.

The second phase I would call the phase of telling. We know from our scientists how the consciousness of children is formed by listening at an early age to horror stories and thrillers and how it may, on the other hand, be given wings by enchanting tales. Here lies ahead a wide field for parents endowed with fantasy and much goodwill. They will study again the stories of the former prophets as told in the Qur'an, read the many beautiful traditions of the last Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him,) and the heroes of Islamic history. By, gathering all their love, intelligence and good humour, they can make up the most interesting and inspiring tales of all this and according to my experience it is particularly the period from the second to the fifth year when children are most eager to listen to such stories. The mother may tell them to the child while going about her duties in the home and in most cases very nice discussions will follow since the child has his questions and wants to mention his own views. In this way the child's character can definitely be formed and standards may be established which maintain their validity throughout his lifetime.

The third phase established on the first and second, is that of the Islamic duties. It is only natural that a child wants to imitate his praying parents. He is given a small prayer rug and though at first he will be patient for a few minutes at most, in due course he will learn how to pray and get used to a daily rhythm and routine as envisaged by Islam. It will be similar with keeping fast. At first, the child will not stand this for more than a few hours. But slowly he will manage half a day, and even a whole day, Here, it is very important that Sahur and Iftar, the meals before beginning fast and after breaking fast, are really celebrated a bit. How proud the child will be if he is allowed to rise early in the morning for the first time in order to have breakfast with his parents, what a satisfaction it will be for him if he really managed to keep fast for a whole day. I think many parents will have the experience that the child himself will plead to be allowed to keep fast again instead of having to be persuaded to join the grown-ups. Also, there will always be opportunities for giving alms. The child should get the nice bright coin so that he himself can spend it, thus learning that some money should go to the needy or into the collection box of a mosque instead of being used for buying toys or sweets. With regard to the pilgrimage, the child should be told how Muslims from all over the world gather at the Holy Places for the important purpose of being closely knit together into one brotherhood worshipping their Creator as the servants of the Almighty have done in an uninterrupted chain since the time of Abraham.

The child will now be a conscious Muslim and therefore a broad basis has been established on which the fourth phase can rest firmly.

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The Muslim Family Structure

It is the firm structure of Islamic family life resting on the following four pillars that makes these values so enduring and enables them to outlive Western practices. They are based on Qur'anic regulations and the traditions from the life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), handed down from generation to generation.

1- Family life as a cradle of human society providing a secure, healthy and encouraging home for parents and the growing children;

2- Family life as guardian of the natural erotic desires of men and women, leading this powerful urge into wholesome channels;

3- Family life as the very breeding-place for human virtues like love, kindness, mercy.

4- Family life as the most secure refuge against inward and outward troubles.

An ever valid and never outgrowing aspect of Islamic family life is, however, that the strength of all the four pillars is made up by the system. And it must not be forgotten, that the benefits of family life are extended not only to blood relations but encompass also the world-wide family of Muslims, the Islamic brotherhood.

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Family In Islam

In a time when values tend to be turned upside down, family life as the very heart of society was attacked just as much as many other handed-down traditions. About ten years ago, when it became fashionable for young torch-bearers of "Modernism" to live in "communities", share sex and children and earnings, many people feared that this might mean the end of family life. Fortunately, this is not so. In the end, the overwhelming majority of young women still dream of having a wedding ring on their finger, living in a comfortable flat as "Mrs. So-and-so" and bringing up their children in an orderly home, just as young men prefer to introduce "her" with the words "This is my wife" instead of "this is my mate or comrade". Neither Socialism nor any other "isms" were able to uproot what has been implanted into human nature from time immemorial.

If dangers for family and particularly matrimonial life could be overcome successfully in the West, they were the more unable to gain ground in the Muslim World. There, family life with all its aspects concerning not only husband, wife and children, but all other relatives too, is so firmly established by tradition as well as by religious law that it could not be affected seriously.

Now, one may say that a happy and healthy family life cannot be guaranteed by law. It is true that it depends so much upon the goodwill of all concerned that the best laws remain written phrases where this goodwill is missing. Here, however, as in all other spheres of the Islamic Way of Life, the ruling factor is the fact that Islam is not a religion in the Western sense of the word, but truly THE WAY OF LIFE for those adhering to it. Islam means on the one hand the complete submission to the Will of God. And on the other, it is the conscious acceptance of man's vicegerency on earth as ordained by God.

Submission to the Will of God, if applied to family life, means accepting the desires inherent in man's nature and living up to them: the desire for a companion with whom one can share love, mutual confidence, kindness, selI-sacrifice and solace; the desire for children, the desire for parents, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts and all other relatives whom one can trust and who may either grant protection or be granted protection; the desire for a peaceful and fostering home; the desire for a good education; the desire for help in the hour of need; and the desire for doing good or receiving good, just as the events may demand.

The conscious acceptance of man's vicegerency on earth means seeking the best possible means for a successful vicegerency. And here again family life provides the mostpromising basis for our activities. A good and healthy family life grants us the right approach to life, helps us to see matters in the right perspective, gives us the most useful education not only as far as our future profession is concerned but also for the handling of life itself. When we are grown up, it gives us a safe home that enables us to take part in society life to its greatest benefit, and when we become old, it grants .us our livelihood just as we used to grant it when we were still able to do so.

To people completely engrossed in the way of life prevailing in the West today, this may sound incredible. Why not leave children in the nursery and depend on their education at school-after all, what a lot of taxes are paid for this purpose? And why feel responsible for relatives in need or old family members since they certainly must be insured against troubles of all sorts and there are homes for old people where they are neither disturbed not can disturb. " ? There are so many and much more useful and lucrative things to do instead of looking after children and caring for old or sick family members.

Yet, incredible though it may sound-in the Muslim World these responsibilities are still shouldered by the majority of families. This is due to the Islamic injunctions which have not at all become obsolete in the course of modern techno-industrial developments but are taken quite seriously by Muslims up to this very day. And why is this so? I think it is so because Muslims honestly believe in their accountability for their conduct here on earth on the Day of Resurrection, because they are fully aware of their role as God's vicegerents and because they feel contentment in fulfilling their religious duties, thus achieving God's good pleasure which is the main aim of their very existence.

Non-Muslims may wonder how a religion can still exercise such a powerful influence over people in modern times that at least in this sphere Western examples are rather shunned instead of being imitated contrary to the usual trend in most other fields.

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Polygamy Can Be A Solution

Perhaps the aspect of Islam in respect of women which is most prominent in the Western mind is that of polygamy. Firstly let’s clarify that Islam does not impose polygamy as a universal practice. Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) himself was a monogamist for the greater part of his married life, from the age of twenty-five when he married Khadija (May God be pleased with her) until he was fifty when she died.

One should therefore regard monogamy as the norm and polygamy as the exception.

One may observe that, although it has been abused in some times and some places, polygamy has under certain circumstances a valuable function. In some situations it may be considered as the lesser of two evils, and in other situations it may even be a positively beneficial arrangement.

The most obvious example of this occurs in times of war when there are inevitably large numbers of widows and girls whose fiances and husbands have been killed in thefighting.One has only to recall the figures of the dead in the first and second world wars to be aware that literally millions of women and girls lost their husbands and fiances and were left alone without any income or care or protection for themselves or their children. If it is still maintained that under these circumstances a man may marry only one wife, what options are left to the millions of other women who have no hope of getting a husband? Their choice, bluntly stated, is between a chaste and childless old maidenhood, or becoming somebody's mistress, that is an unofficial second wife with no legal rights for herself or for her children. Most women would not welcome either of these since most women have always wanted and still do want the security of a legal husband and family.

The compromise therefore is for women under these circumstances to face the fact that if given the alternative many of them would rather share a husband than have none at all. And there is no doubt that it is easier to share a husband when it is an established and publicly recognised practice than when it is carried on secretly along with attempts to deceive the first wife.

And it is no secret that polygamy of a sort is widely carried on in Europe and America. The difference is that while the Western man has no legal obligations to his second, third or fourth mistresses and their children, the Muslim husband has complete legal obligations towards his second, third or fourth wife and their children.

There may be other circumstances unrelated to war-individual circumstances, where marriage to more than one wife may be preferable to other available alternatives-for example where the first wife is chronically sick or disabled. There are of course some husbands who can manage this situation, but no one would deny its potential hazards. A second marriage in some cases could be a solution acceptable to all three parties.

Again there are cases in which a wife is unable to have children, while the husband very much wants them. Under Western laws a man must either accept his wife's childlessness if he can, or if he cannot he must find a means of divorce in order to marry again. This could be avoided in some cases if the parties agreed on a second marriage.

There are other cases where a marriage has not been very successful and the husband loves another woman. This situation is so familiar that it is known as the Eternal Triangle. Under Western laws the husband cannot marry the second woman without divorcing the first one. But the first wife may not wish to be divorced. She may no longer love her husband, but she may still respect him and wish to stay with him for the security of marriage, for herself and their children. Similarly the second woman may not wish to break up the man's first family. There are certain cases such as this where both women could accept a polygamous marriage rather than face divorce on the one hand or an extra-marital affair on the other.

These examples have been mentioned because to the majority of Westerners polygamy is only thought of in the context of a harem of glamorous young girls, not as a possible solution to some of the problems of Western society itself. Some time has been given to it not in order to advocate its indiscriminate use, but in an attempt to show that it is a practice not to be condemned without thinking of its uses and possible benefits in any community.

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Role Differentiation Of Women In Islam

One of the practices aimed at strengthening the home and minimising promiscuity is that of the seclusion of women. The verses of the Holly Qur'an on which those who practise it base their custom say:

"0 wives of the Prophet you are not like any other women. If you would keep your duty, be not soft in speech, lest he whose heart contains malice may thereby be encouraged. Employ suitable speech. Stay in your houses and do not dress to display your finery in the way they dressed during the time of primitive ignorance; and keep up prayer, and give welfare due and obey God and His Messenger; for God desires only to remove from you abomination (of vanity since you are) the household (of the Prophet) and to purify you by a perfect purification" (Qur'an 33:32-33).

Literally these verses are addressed only to the wives of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), and some authorities maintain 'that it applies only to them. Other theologians and legists however interpret it by implication to apply to all Muslim women, and this opinion is widely accepted in a number of Muslim countries where women generally stay at home, coming out only for some over-riding reason.

Some of the people who agree with this may nevertheless take into account the other verses of the Holly Qur'an exhorting women to cover themselves when they go out, and urging both men and women to lower their gaze and behave modestly in the presence of the opposite sex-implying that women could go out on their legitimate business. They may also consider the necessity of some Muslim women going out to study and practice certain occupations, such as medicine, nursing and teaching at all levels, which for Muslim women and girls ought to be done by fellow women.

One may therefore note that the two opinions exist, and that in practice one may see various degrees of seclusion or otherwise in different parts of the Muslim world.

In most parts of the world social functions among Muslims are either family affairs or celebrations by men and women in separate groups. To a Westerner accustomed to mixed parties with dancing and drinking this may sound an unexciting social life. However, the family circle in the Muslim world is generally a wide one, and the feeling of brotherhood is so strong and the hospitality of Muslims so warm and welcoming that alcohol and the presence of the opposite sex are found to be unnecessary ingredients of the enjoyment.

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The Dress Of The Muslim Woman

A Muslim woman may wear whatever she pleases in the presence of her husband and family or among women friends. But when she goes out or when men other than her husband or close family are present she is expected to wear a dress which will cover all parts of her body, and which should not reveal the figure. What a contrast with Western fashions which every year concentrate quite intentionally on exposing yet another erogenous zone to the public gaze!

In the past few years we have seen the rise and fall of the minidress, the micro-skirt, the wet look, hot pants, the see-thru', the topless and other garments designed to display or emphasize the intimate parts of a woman's body. One may observe a similar tendency of late in men's dress which has become almost skin-tight, although here the men's fashion designers appear to have come to a temporary standstill until men are liberated enough to accept topless or see-thru' trousers, which is fortunately not yet the case.

The intention of Western dress is to reveal the figure, while the intention of Muslim dress is to conceal it, at least in public. The relevant verse of the Holly Qur'an says:

"0 Prophet, tell your wives and daughters and the women of the believers to draw upon them their over-garments. That is more appropriate so that they may be recognised and not molested" (Qur’an 33:59).

It is therefore required for a Muslim woman when she goes out to wear a dress that covers her from head to foot and does not reveal the figure. According to some scholars only the hands and face should be left uncovered, while according to some others the face should also be covered. There are therefore two opinions on this matter.

The onus of modest behaviour however falls not only on women. The injunctions of the Qur'an are directed to men and women alike. Allah (God) says:

"Tell believers to avert their glances and to guard their private parts; that is purer for them. God is Informed about anything they do. Tell believing women to avert their glances and guard their private parts and not to display their charms except what (normally) appears of them. They should draw their coverings over their bosoms and not show their charms except to their husbands…. " (Qur’an 24:30-31 ).

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The Muslim Woman Within Her Society

Apart from the Muslim woman's status with regard to her husband and her children. What then of her relations with men other than her husband and her close relatives? This is where a considerable difference is found between Islamic practice and the customs now prevalent in the Western world.

In the West, sexual relations outside marriage are still in theory generally considered a sin or at least vaguely undesirable, but in practice no steps whatsoever are taken to reduce the very high incidence of pre-marital and extra-marital sexual relations, in spite of the soaring rates of illegitimacy and venereal disease.

On the contrary, in films, television and certain sections of the press there is every encouragement to consider pre-marital experience desirable and extra-marital affairs quite normal. Contraception or abortion is expected to conveniently get rid of any undesirable side-affects of this way of life.

In contrast with this uncontrolled situation, Islam advocates a number of specific measures to reduce the temptations towards sex outside marriage.

To begin with, prophet Muhammad (PBUH) advised all people to get married if they could so that their natural desires should have a legitimate and legal fulfilment.

Secondly, due to the permission for limited polygamy there is no necessity for there to be a surplus of unattached women in the society.

Thirdly women are directed in the Holly Qur'an when they appear in public to cover themselves in a modest type of dress so as not to attract men.

Fourthly the Muslim way of life excludes the boy-friend/girlfriend system, mixed parties, dancing between men and women, taking alcohol or drugs, and other facets of the Western way of life which are well known to provide the situation from which pre-marital and extra-marital sexual relations develop. Social entertainments in Islam are generally either within the family and close friends of the family, or among men and women in separate groups.

Fifthly sex outside marriage is considered in Islamic law not only as a sin but as a crime which is punished under the law in the same way as theft or murder. The punishment for it applies equally to the man and woman and is severe and deterrent in its effect.

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